Tainted Love Page 9

  I inhale sharply when he stops and he smiles wide. I can tell he’s proud. I don’t know if it’s me that makes him proud or his family, but seeing him so happy is riveting.

  He opens the door and glances around as I step in behind him and take in the surroundings. It’s small and scattered with mismatched furnishings, blankets, and décor. To the left is the kitchen. It’s falling apart, literally. The cupboards are hanging off the hinges and the stove looks like it’s from 1950 and rusted badly. The living room is to the right, but it also seems to serve as a bedroom with a curtain dividing it down the center, and straight back is a hallway with two rooms.

  “They must be out back cooking breakfast. Come,” he says, dragging me down the hall. “This is the washroom,” he informs, nudging one door open, “and this is Ken and Verna’s room.”

  I peek inside and hold my composure, trying not to cringe at the mattress that sits on the floor. It too is surrounded by old worn-down furnishings that look like they were hauled from the dump.

  “It’s lovely… antique-ish,” I say, trying not to sound judgmental.

  “We both know it’s a pile of shit,” he laughs, “just be honest around them, Vix. No one here holds any judgment.”

  “Good to know.”

  I smile at his humorous face as he shows me to the back door, and we step out onto the deck. There are four chairs seated around a fire pit, three of them occupied by two men and a woman. I happen to recognize two of them from the bar last night and smile politely.

  “This is Kirsten a.k.a Vixen,” Pax says. “Vixen, meet Ken, his wife Verna, and Ken’s mute brother, Cliff. He doesn’t talk, but he’s not deaf so don’t piss him off.”

  I nod at Cliff and he smiles before I turn my attention to Ken and Verna.

  “Hello, it’s nice to see you again.”

  Verna smiles and stands to hug me.

  “You too, dear. I’m glad to see you made it back to the motel in one-piece last night.”

  “Yeah, me too. This town is a little unnerving at night.”

  “It’s really not that bad if you stay away from the Harlowe brothers. They own the land across the way that serves as the town cemetery, and they aren’t too polite to drifters or newcomers.”

  “Oh, you mean the other people from the bar last night?”

  Ken nods. “Yep, that’s them. They own the motel too. But just stick with Pax and you’ll be fine. Can I offer you something to drink? A double shot of Jack perhaps?”

  I laugh and nod. “You remembered. How sweet.”

  “I work in a bar, remembering what people drink comes with the job.”

  He asks Pax for a hand and I watch them head inside and turn my attention to Verna.

  “So, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d like to know how come you lied last night when I asked if you knew Pax?”

  She smiles and flushes slightly.

  “He’s like a brother, and in this town, we don’t tend to give out information on each other’s whereabouts. We all sort of stick to our own, if you catch my drift. Besides, even if I had recognized you, there are no phones out here and the bar didn’t close until after two, so I had no way to contact him here at the house.”

  “I guess that makes sense, but what did you mean by recognize me?”

  Verna laughs gruffly and crosses her arms.

  “Pax showed us some pictures of you a few times, but your hair was blond, and you said your name was Vixen, but we only knew you as Kirsten. You add that up with the fact we ain’t never met you in three dang years, just thought it’d be safer to get Pax’s permission before we brought you out here.”

  Verna hands me a bowl of beans and a spoon as I glance over in Cliff’s direction. He looks like a younger version of Ken, dark hair, dark eyes, and a mustache to match.

  “Don’t mind him, he may not be much of a talker, but he’s one hell of a listener! Especially when we get him to man the jukebox down at the bar, he’s a real country fan,” Verna states. “Now eat up before it gets cold.”

  I take a bite as I notice the strange scars that line Verna’s arms, they look like thicker versions of cat scratches as if she was mauled by a tiger.

  “Pax tells us you live six hours from here in someplace nice called the Hill, what’s that like?”

  “Pardon?” I ask, trying to focus.

  My mind is a ball of torture wondering who the hell did that shit to her unless she did it herself, but I can’t imagine that’s the case.

  “The Hill…” she repeats, “What’s that like?”

  “It’s okay, it’s full of douchebags and spoiled jerks, but I can’t complain. The neighborhood is secure and me and Pax run a bar on Friday nights.”

  “Oh, yes, I remember him telling me something about that. He’s been bringing his earnings back here to help us keep the heat and power on. He’s such a good man.”

  I nod and smile at her knowing she’s right. The guy has practically nothing, yet he gives what little he has away regardless.

  “The night I met him, I was sloshed,” I laugh, recalling the event. “I’m pretty sure if he didn’t stop me, I would have peed on his tent. Anyway, he was sweet enough to carry my ass up the giant hill and all the way home. I just remember loving the way he smelled, and the way I felt like nothing bad could happen whenever he was around.”

  “Well don’t worry, darlin’, you ain’t the only one who feels that way,” she laughs. “Pax has always been that way, trying to save other people from things no one cares to speak of. Him and Ken, both of ‘em took severe punishments when they were kids trying to look out for Cliff and me.”

  Her eyes well up with tears and I can’t imagine what she must be thinking or feeling, nor do I want to.

  “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to—”

  “Oh, hush now,” she says, “it’s all in the past. Long done. We try to remember the good times and be thankful we still have each other.”

  “The good times?” I ask curiously.

  She nods and winks.

  “Did he ever tell you why he fell in love with snakes?”

  I shake my head and smile, excited to find out the story.

  “Your drink,” Pax interrupts. “You wouldn’t happen to be talking about me behind my back, would you?”

  He looks straight at Verna with his you’re in deep shit stare as I sip the drink.

  “Oh, come on now, I was just gonna tell her the story about the snake. I won’t get into the dark parts, just the funny shit, I promise.”

  Pax laughs and crosses his arms.

  “Tell away then, but you had better skip the part—”

  “Please don’t leave anything out,” I blurt, covering his mouth with my hand. “I want the whole story!”

  Pax slobbers on and licks my fingers like a pig and then bites them lightly before I rip my hand away laughing.

  “You are so nasty,” I say shaking my head. “Now, Verna, please continue with the snake story.”

  I sit back and sip my drink as she proceeds to tell me a story about when they were kids, all of them around eight except Cliff who was six. They’d been living in a basement of a house on a secluded piece of land in the middle of fields of wheat as far as their eyes could see. Verna told Pax she had a plan to escape from ‘the imposters’ and that when she did, she would live at the zoo, but Pax had no clue what a zoo was, so Verna explained it to him.

  “Now hold on a second,” Pax interjects, “in my defense, you were not very clear about what kinds of things lived in the zoo.”

  “Yes, I was,” she laughs, “I said donkeys and goats… but what did you come back with? A freaking garden snake that you shoved in your pants to sneak inside without them seeing.”

  “It was a gift!” Pax hisses, “and he would have made a great pet if Ken didn’t stomp on him to death.”

  We all bust out laughing at Pax’s attempt to remain mad about it.

  “That was the only time I ever saw Pax cry,” Verna adds, “and it wasn’t long after
that he decided that one day, he would own a mansion full of snakes… well that was his goal anyway. But instead, as you can see, he only ended up with a bunch of tattoos and no mansion.”

  Pax scoffs and shakes his head.

  “I asked you not to tell her that I cried, that was really uncool of you,” he gripes, failing to mention that he kind of does live in a mansion. “Now,” he adds, “I may just have to tell her about the time you, Ken, and Cliff over there, burned down the tree fort I built us.”

  “Whoa now!” Ken laughs. “I had nothing to do with that, it was all these two,” he says, pointing at Verna and Cliff.

  “Oh my God, you have to tell me the story! Please,” I laugh, watching Verna and Cliff simultaneously shake their heads, pleading.

  “Nah, I think I’ll save that story for another time since it was the first place we ever called home. I’ll show it to you on the way back to the Hill… if you’re lucky.”

  “If I’m lucky?” I repeat. “I’m pretty sure I am, but I have to pee, so please excuse me.”

  “I’ll join you and get us some refills,” Verna says, following me inside.

  I shut the washroom door behind me and can’t help but hold my breath. It smells like mold and looks even filthier than it smells. The bathtub is rusting and the tiles that surround it are cracked and covered in grime. Living like this can’t possibly be healthy, I think to myself as I wash and dry my hands.

  “I could use a hand,” Verna calls out.

  “Not a problem,” I say as I head to the kitchen. I grab two of the glasses from the countertop as Verna places her hand on my shoulder and locks eyes with me.

  “I know what you must think of us,” she undertones. “We were just kids doing what we had too to survive on the cards we were dealt.”

  I shake my head and open my mouth to say something, but she squeezes my shoulder firmly.

  “He did what he was told to do, what they forced him too, we all did. We had no choice, not one of us, but Pax took the brunt of what he could. I don’t hold any grudges toward any of them, nor do they me,” she continues, her eyes dancing with grief. “Pax is a fucking hero the way I see it… he came back for us, took care of us, and loved us when no one else did.” She pauses to wipe the stray tears that stream down her face and she inhales sharply. My heart is breaking at the pain in her voice, but I suck down my urge to cry because it isn’t my pain.

  “Those monsters didn’t get nowhere close to what they deserved for the things they did to us, but there’s no sense in staying angry about it. We all chose to move on… we needed to. Now… I’m only gonna say this once,” she says sternly, “that boy needs to move on with his life just like we have. He doesn’t owe us anything, not a Goddamn thing, do you hear me?”

  I nod, not fully understanding as her eyes blaze into mine with fury.

  “Good, then make sure he understands by Monday, that we ain’t gonna be here no more. We are movin’ on too. We don’t need this dirty, haunted past lingering between us no more. Pax has you, and I got them two. Tell me you’re going to help him move on so he can start to heal. Can you do that for me?”

  I swallow and wipe the one tear I couldn’t hold in and I clear my throat, knowing by her tone there is nothing I can say to change her mind.

  “I will, Verna, I’ll tell him, but only on one condition.”

  She glares at me suspiciously and crosses her arms.

  “And what would that be?”

  “You have to let me leave you some money, no questions asked. It’s the only way,” I pause to take a deep breath. “It’s the only way that I can handle justifying lying to Pax, and it’s also the only way he will know that you’re all okay.”

  She nods steadfastly, as I hold out my hand to shake on it, but instead, she grapples me with her stocky body, bear hugs me, and whispers in my ear.

  “He was right about you… you’re a saint, just like he is. Now, wipe them tears and serve the drinks, we need to end this visit on a happy note.”

  I laugh at her brusque tone and follow her back outside where Pax pulls me onto his lap with a growl.

  “What were the two of you up to in there?” he asks shiftily.

  “Girl talk. So, you just never mind and don’t hassle the lady,” Verna bosses, “now lift them glasses and toast with us before we head back into town to open the bar.”

  We raise our glasses, even Cliff who sits smiling, contented by the warmth of the midday sun shining on all of us, almost as if this is what a family should feel like.

  “To good memories, good women, and a life full of drifting,” Ken hollers.

  We all clink glasses and swig back the whiskey as we say our goodbyes.

  The ones that I know don’t mean I’ll see you later, or next time, but instead it means Pax can try to move on from a life of pain.

  I stand on the porch and watch from a distance as Pax hugs them and sends them on their way. I’m quick about writing a check and slipping it through the mail slot of the door just as I told Verna I would when she hugged me goodbye.

  I came out here wanting nothing more than to find my drifter and bring him home, but instead what I was filled with was an understanding of his unspoken horrific past, and what the man would do for his family. A family that loves him and forgives him for the things he had no control over, and a family that carries secrets so dark, that in the end, it’s easier to drift apart. It isn’t my place to judge them or ask questions, I know in my heart Verna is doing what she thinks is best for everyone, and I’m okay with it. The question I don’t know the answer to, is will Whiskey be okay with it too?

  “Heads up,” Pax yells.

  I catch the deflated football he tosses at me and laugh as he takes a seat on the porch beside me.

  “Never owned one of those fucking things when it was full of air, and probably couldn’t catch it if it was… So,” he pauses eyeing me over, “what did you think of my mysterious family?”

  I move closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder.

  “I think they are really amazing. Sweet, kind, honest… the sort of people I’d be honored to call family.”

  He lifts my head and stares at me questionably.

  “You aren’t considering dragging them back to the Hill with us, are you?”

  “No,” I laugh, “you already warned me not to. Besides, I still have Satan to face and I don’t think she would take too kindly to me bringing home any more drifters.”

  Pax laughs quietly, seemingly amused with something.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing… it was just a stupid thought,” he says passively.

  “Tell me!”

  I give him the eyes; the ones that warn him I’m about to pull his hair if I have to just to get it out of him.

  He stays silent, staring at me with his deep blue gaze holding mine as he twirls my hair around his finger, and then he sighs.

  “This is the first time I can look at your sexy face without getting the urge to cause an argument so that we can hate-fuck. Do you think that means there is something wrong with me?”

  “Are you kidding me?” I laugh. “You are such a big dummy sometimes, Pax, and no, there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe it just means you are at peace with yourself because you’re realizing you are a good man… just. Like. I. Said.”

  He traces his fingers lightly down my face and smiles mischievously.

  “You wouldn’t be trying to purposely cause an argument with me right now, would you?”

  “Me? Of course not,” I feign innocence. “We do need to get going though if we are going to make it back to the Hill before dark.”

  “Your wish is my command.”

  He kisses my forehead and takes off running through the field toward the bikes and I start to chase him, laughing because his pants are falling down. God, I love that man.

  It’s funny to me that he doesn’t even realize yet that I only have one wish.

  For us to stay like this forever, Whiskey and me
.

  The two of us laughing and happy, fulfilled by each other’s presence just like a real family. But that isn’t possible just yet, at least not until I cut ties with Satan… while I pray to God that come Monday, Pax will still love me enough to forgive me once he finds out that I helped his other family split.

  Nine

  When it Rains

  It’s Tuesday morning and I still haven’t said a word to Pax about Verna skipping town with his family. It’s been on my mind for days, but I can’t bring myself to tell him yet, not when he seems so happy and content with life. We still haven’t fucked either, but that’s only because I’ve been lying and saying I’m on my period since I can’t seem to bring myself to do that with Pax either.

  The only thing I have going for me at the moment is that Satan still isn’t back from her trip which has me thinking she’s not in rehab or I would have heard something about it from Gabe by now. Whatever… at least it’s still nice and quiet around here.

  Logging into my bank account, I check my balance and see Verna still hasn’t cashed the check I left her. I mean fuck, what is she waiting for? How am I supposed to tell Pax I made sure they would be okay when she still hasn’t accepted the money?

  I slam the lid closed and run my hands through my hair, aggravated.

  “What’s got you all pent up this morning?” Pax asks. “You need me to get you some Midol or something?”

  “Yeah… that or a new conscience would be great!” I mutter inaudibly.

  “Want to go for a ride down to the Club?”

  “Sure, why not? Sitting around here isn’t exactly entertaining at the fucking moment.”

  “Yeah, well if you prefer, I can definitely find a way to entertain your sassy little mouth instead,” he offers.

  I flip him the bird and rip the leather jacket he forced me to buy down from the hook and head out to the garage. I’m miserable and I know it’s unfair to him, but still, it’s better me than him.

  I follow behind him as he pulls onto the street, watching as loose wisps of his hair sway in the wind because he’s decided that riding the Hog means it’s safe enough for him to not wear a helmet; yet another argument we had over the weekend that didn’t end in hate-fucking… only a yelling match. He won.